Sunday, September 26, 2010

Waiting is the hardest part

This 2ww thing is more of pain-in-the-you-know-what than I was expecting, but in an odd way. For a couple of weeks before the IUI, I was busy. Really busy doing TTC things and doctor's appointments. But during this 2ww, I have nothing to keep my mind off the whole "am I?" and am instead focused on all the signs and symptoms. I have completely checked out of work which is bad, and it's a real struggle to get my head into it every day. Then I have started having doubts. This "time off" of ttc has me rethinking all that crap I worked through before I came to the decision to ttc. Not to mention, I have to go to the office at some point today. My blackberry has been blowing up since yesterday afternoon. If I had a kid, I'd be screwed. And pissed. Losing a weekend with a kid is a big deal. Of course, in situations like this, I can bring the baby in with me and it wouldn't be an issue. But still... I just keep freaking out over silly things that happen when the kid gets older. Like potty training, teaching them to drive, getting in trouble at school, heartbreak etc... which is just silly. Then I panic that a baby is so much work! How will I manage? I keep telling myself to just focus on the making-the-baby part first. That I have plenty of time to stress and worry about those other things once the kid arrives and then when they get older. It doesn't all happen right this very second. I feel crazy sometimes.

As for symptoms, if I had to make a bet as to whether or not it worked, I would bet on it didn't work. Can't say why, just a feeling I have. Of course, I have a bazillion phantom symptoms that I would swear are all in my head or just signs of AF coming. They are:

Cramping. Been cramping since the procedure.
Hormonal wackiness. I've been all over the place emotionally.
Weird dreams. This is a new and strange one. I usually only have weird dreams when I'm sick. Which I kinda am, thanks to some allergy issues.
Nausea. Don't know what's up there, but I did/do have a migraine that started Friday afternoon and is still kind of lingering this afternoon so that's probably why I've been feeling a bit green and unsteady.

I do not have any of the "usual" pregnancy signs like tender breasts or implantation bleeding.

Suckiest part is that the nurse said to not do any HPTs before 16 days because I took ovidrel and it can give false positives. gah! I will force myself to wait until next Saturday (13-14dpo) to take one.

One week and two days to go until I know for sure with bloodwork. Unless AF arrives, which she is scheduled to next weekend.


  1. I was talking to someone yesterday about thinking about next steps later in pregnancy - do I get an amnio? What if I go on bedrest? etc... And she said to me, "One step at a time." But, quite honestly, I think it's natural to be worrying about things in the future. It's getting is prepared, but it's also nice to have something else to ponder than "am I pregnant?" or "will my next ultrasound be ok?"

    Did you do just one Ovidrel shot? Because if you did, it'll definitely be out of your system long before 16 days. I tested 10dpIUI and had a BFN, so it was gone by then. My nurse instructed me to test 12dpIUI, and again 14dpIUI if that was negative. It's mind boggling, how many different ways of doing things there are out there.

  2. I hate to tell you... this is just the tip of the craziness of the 2ww... during the last week you will drive yourself nuts more each day. By the last couple of days you will be obsessed (or at least that's how it works for me and most of the bloggers I follow).

    I'm also waiting until Sunday, maybe Saturday to test... I don't want to wait until Monday, my actual beta date... just so I can prepare myself over the weekend if it's not positive and not fall apart at work.

    Happy waiting!

  3. I worry about how I am going to work when I am pregnant and I'm not even pregnant yet. I worry about child care and if I will be able to handle taking care of a baby. It's natural and it's really hard not to. Also the 2ww wait is the worst. There is no way around it and over analyzing is the name of the game. Try to keep busy is all I can say.

    The trigger shot should leave your system withing 7 to 10 days after the shot.

    Oh and I'm praying that it did work! :)

  4. We are women so we tend to worry over alot of things. The 2ww is the hardest. I thought it was going to be easy because it is out of my control, but I found myself obsessing over it and overanalyzing every tiny sign and symptom. Hang in there.

  5. Worrying & Waiting...that's ttc for you! Try to stay grounded...I found that a lot of positive visualization helped me during the 2ww like thumbing through baby cataloges & reading about SMC who are raising kid(s)...