Wednesday, May 21, 2014


This actually started as a comment to Shannon's blog post tonight, but then I thought it would be better as a post on my own.

I *really* don't mean for this to sound as bad as I am sure it will, but the blogosphere seems to be an ok place for this...

How do people have time to eat so much? I have the opposite problem as the vast majority of people and can't keep my weight up. I just don't have a free minute to eat, let alone cook something good and hearty. When the baby was a newborn and I was faced with a short amount of 'free' time and the dilemma of "sleep or eat" I ALWAYS took the sleep. Sleep won, hands down every time. These days I am literally on the go every minute of every day and it is so exhausting, the last thing on my mind is food.

Now, that is not to say that I don't eat. I do. I just somehow don't consume enough to put weight on, I guess. Today I had (and this is fairly typical): half a dozen powdered sugar donettes and a soda for breakfast, the lunch chicken fajitas at On The Border (I try to make lunch my big meal of the day, although work often gets in the way), and I snacked on a peach and pringles while the kids were eating and I was getting their bath and stuff ready. Once I finally get the kids to bed (which is about now, 9 pm) and asleep, I either eat something (often ramen noodles, cereal or a sandwich). If I manage to eat with the kids, then after they're in bed I might have a milkshake and/or popcorn while I prepare bottles, do laundry, do dishes and get stuff ready for the next morning

How do people get so overweight? Getting to the store to buy food, any kind of preparation and the actual consuming all takes a huge amount of time and I just don't understand how people do it... (not to mention that it has to be horrifically expensive)

Single mom to a 35 month old and a 10 month old, I work 50 hours a week, I have a house (and mortgage) and a dog. I NEVER get more than 5 hours of sleep a night (and that's on a good night) and I'm lucky if I can manage to consume something in the evenings before 9:00 pm. I actually should be eating right now, but I am blogging for once, heh.

So there it is.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Where oh where does the time go?

I know, I am THE WORST blogger ever. I have a ton of (good) excuses but I'm not going to dump them all here now.

So I made it to my scheduled c-section date. I ended up staying home and going on bedrest that week. The c-section was on a Thursday so I spent Mon-Weds at home and didn't go to work. It was probably the best thing to do and I did enjoy the quiet downtime.

This c-section was much rougher than my first. I think the doctors here in California are much more reluctant to medicate than they were in Virginia. In VA, the anesthesiologist told me to speak up the second I started to feel funny and if I so much as looked a little funny, he would push something that kept me feeling normal and good. Here, I damn near flatlined (literally!) before they pushed anything. I kept having major blood pressure drops and would start to feel bad, then lose the ability to speak and would go completely out of it before they did anything. I had my mom with me this time and she said she would see my pressure drop to nothing and it freaked her out. It irritated me because I pretty much missed out on the birth of my baby and there was no need for them to let me get so bad. Recovery was pretty rough too. When they wheeled me out, I was so out of it, I couldn't see anything. My vision was completely jacked up. It was like looking at an old TV with scrambled stations. Of course, they didn't seem to care and someone offhandedly said something about me stroking out. This scared my mom because if there was a risk of me stroking, why didn't they do anything? Again, I was so out of it I couldn't hold my baby and I don't remember much of anything.

Then there was the medication issues. They ran out of beds in the maternity wing so I was put in a room in the pediatrics unit. I barely fit into the bed and was likely the only patient who *could* fit in those beds. Because I was in another unit, they routinely missed my medication times. I ended up having to time and set my alarm to go off every 4 hours so I could ring the button and remind them to get my meds. Most of the time I didn't get my meds until they wore off and left me in terrible pain. I don't like vicodin, it makes me feel really wonky and sick so with my first c-section I took percocet and ibuprofen. It was great. I had no pain and felt normal. Well, here they gave me the following options: Norco (vicodin), Tylenol 3 or ibuprofen. I settled on the T3 and advil. Needless to say that didn't offer too much in the way of total pain relief (who makes the patient choose their meds!?) but it was enough and at least I didn't feel too bad (when I could actually get my meds). Of course, not only did I have to remind them to get me the meds, but I always checked to make sure I was getting the right stuff. One time I was given something other than what I was taking and thankfully noticed and called the nurse. She tried to tell me I was wrong, but I made her check my chart and get me the right stuff. *eyeroll*

There was a significant amount of pain this time around and I really feel that it was because of inadequate medication and care. I got no sleep because they wouldn't take the baby out of the room. In some ways this is nice, but in others it was very hard. My pain management wasn't very good so getting out of bed was very painful and I had to get out of bed to reach the baby. I was still up and around after 8 hours (they wouldn't let me any sooner) and did my best to take strolls down the hallways, which was kind of hard because I had to push the baby in the bassinet. I ended up staying in the hospital for 3 days this time and went home Sunday morning. The doctor was going to let me go against her advise on Saturday, but she and my mom convinced me to stay another night so I wouldn't have to go home and deal with my 2 year old.

Now for the fun stuff. Baby girl weighed 9 lbs 1 oz, 21 inches and was the exact same weight and size as her big brother. How crazy is that? The doctor said that must be my max capacity lol. Shocked everyone in the OR (again lol) as the doctor pulled her out. Doctor said it was like the magician's trick of pulling out the continuous hanky. The baby just kept coming! Overall shock at how someone as slim as me could carry such a big baby. She also looks *exactly* like her brother. She is just now starting to look a little different, but it's not a big difference yet.

She will be 3 months on Nov 1 and is already smiling and laughing and can grab things and put them in her mouth. Big brother absolutely adores her and dotes on her. He brings her toys and covers her up with his blanket. He loves to help give her a bath and will put her tub in the big tub and fill it up. He even makes sure I don't put too much water in it lol. He is protective and very loving with her. She smiles at him and has started to laugh and interact with him. It's so adorable and I hope they stay close.

Chase and Cara

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Labor Has Begun

Well, it actually started on Tuesday but I sucked it up and thought I would wait it out until my Dr. Appt today. Except last night at 3 am I woke up sick to my stomach. And then the horrible water-like diarrhea every 20 mins. I seriously had no idea anyone could have that much water-poo. By 6 am I was miserable and kinda-sorta able to pinpoint the contractions which had increased in pain (I am a back laborer), so I decided to take my son to daycare and head to the hospital. All the way there I kept telling myself to turn around and just go to work until my Dr. Appt later that morning. But we kept going (my dad was with me) and ended up at the hospital.

Long morning & story short, I am having contractions which run about 5-6 mins apart but aren't too consistent. They aren't painful enough for the hospital to keep me, and at around 11 am I was only dilated to 1-1.5 cm. So I was sent on my merry way and I went to work to try and salvage my day. You see, I don't get maternity leave, so I (financially) need to work up until I have this kid. Yet, the doc basically orders me to bedrest until my scheduled c-section next week.

Apparently in hippy-dippy CA, they refuse to do c-sections until 39 weeks, unless your water breaks or you dilate enough to where the baby's head is basically hanging out. I was in Virginia when I had my son, and I began labor, just like I am now, at exactly 38 weeks. There, they said "oh, you're in labor, lets deliver the baby" whereas here in hippy-dippy California, they said "oh, you're in labor, but you're not at 39 weeks and you're not in enough pain yet. Suffer sucka." I am thoroughly annoyed that I now have to spend more than a week in labor before I can deliver this kid. It makes absolutely no effing sense to me at all that I should have to suffer through labor when I am supposed to have a scheduled c-section due to a previous section and the fear of uterine tearing. As if labor couldn't cause uterine trauma or tearing? Seems to me, that if labor has begun, the baby is ready. Especially mine who are humongous, and it's not like I'm premature or anything. At 38 weeks 2 days, I think it's safe to say the baby will be ok. She is also measuring at a minimum 8.5 lbs but will likely be over 9 like her brother was and maybe even closer 10 lbs depending on how long they make me suffer.

Holy crap my back freaking hurts and this (*&^%&$#* heartburn/acid reflux is just ridiculous. I am on prescription ranitidine for it, but sometimes it just doesn't help.

I really wanted to be able to avoid getting worn out and exhausted with labor before I go have major surgery. Not to mention having to deal with my 2 year old... I'm in for a long week ~sigh~

*edited to add that I have a c-section scheduled for next Thursday, Aug 1. I just have to make it until then.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Almost there!

I will officially be at 38 weeks after tomorrow. I went into labor with Chase at 38 weeks and I know that things could start happening any minute now. I have this fear of my water breaking. Not that I would be embarrassed or anything, but I just don't want the inconvenience and the mess. I have yet to come up with a comfortable and suitable solution for protecting my bed. That is a major concern of mine. I do not want to ruin my bed with my water breaking. However, it is hotter than hell right now, my air conditioner can barely keep the house down to 80 and I cannot stand sleeping on waterproof bedding. It's like trying to sleep on plastic wrap. Sticky, sweaty and just yuck. I can barely get any sleep as it is with this awful reflux and RLS. So far I have tried laying some waterproof lap pads down just around the area my lower half rests, but I still wake up completely drenched in sweat and it's gross. Then I switched to laying down some bath towels under my mattress cover, but oddly enough, they don't breath very well either and make me sweat and they also bunch up and I have to tear my bed apart every night to straighten them out.

My c-section is scheduled for August 1 which is next Thursday so I suppose I will just suffer with the bath towels in my bed. It's the lesser of all the evils.

Next Thursday...Holy Crap!

Friday, June 21, 2013

Where have the months gone!?

Almost every night I sit down at the computer, completely wiped out and muster just enough energy to skim through my emails and read a select 2 or 3 blogs. I always think that I'll just do a quick update, but I never manage to get it done.

Tonight, like all nights, I am typing this through bleary eyes so forgive any grammatical or spelling errors and what will probably be a choppy and disorganized post. I am also over being pregnant. Mind you, it is waaaaay to early for baby girl to make her appearance and I honestly don't want her to show up until her scheduled appointment on August 1. But yeeeesssshh.

I am now 33 weeks and 2 days along and I feel HUGE. I have gained just over 30 lbs all of which is in a tight, perfectly round ball in my belly. Pic from last weekend:

I feel huge and while I know I have no right to complain about anything (because I did this to myself), I am so effing tired. My legs hurt, my back is killing me, I haven't slept for more than 2 hours at a time for weeks. I have the most gawd awful GERD that sends me shooting upright in bed in the middle of the night so I don't aspirate on or spray acid everywhere. I wake up to charleyhorses in both calves every morning and sometimes I get them in my feet which is a new experience in torture. I am either constipated or have the most horrific diarrhea, so trips to the bathroom are now an annoyance. I can't sit comfortably for longer than 5-10 minutes and I am beyond annoyed at my clothing options (lack thereof). I spend ALL FREAKING DAY hiking up my pants. I can't wear anything with a panel because I'm so round, it just rolls down and I hate having something stretched across my skin in this heat. I have no earthly clue what to do about my wardrobe issues for the court trial I have to be in starting next week. I'm getting to the point where most of my tops don't cover my belly anymore. I'm supposed to be in a suit, but a) I don't have one and don't have the time (would have to have it specially tailored to fit my size 0 ass/hips) or $$ (hundreds of dollars) to shell out for one only to wear it for such a short amount of time; b) It's been in the 90s-100s and it's too damn hot to wear a suit. Also? I DO NOT WEAR DRESSES. EVER. I do not wear open toed shoes, flip flops or sandals. I HATE feet and find exposed feet and toes, not only inappropriate in the workplace, but totally unhygienic and dirty. My legs are sticks and I have horrible varicose veins now. I also can't bend over good enough to shave safely. Yeah...I could go on and on and on about the clothing frustrations, but I will spare you.

Having a willful and stubborn 2 year old who seems to be fighting some sort of snot virus every 2-3 weeks, which he always shares with me, has made this a lot tougher than I was expecting.

My house is a disaster, I have nothing done in preparation for baby girl's arrival. The kids' room (they will share for a while) is lucky to even have furniture in it, but there is absolutely no decoration or organization to be found in it though. I just don't have the time or energy. I get the laundry done, but it never gets folded or put away. The dishwasher gets run, but the dishes never get put away and the dirty ones stay in the sink until the washer is empty and the sink is full. If social services were to visit my home, they'd probably question my ability to handle two kids :`(  I did manage to bleach out the bathtub tonight and spray the weeds in the front yard. I finally gave up mowing the yards today and had a friend's son do it. I just can't physically do it anymore. It's too much and too hot. What bothers me the most, is not being able to do things and knowing I should ask for help, but I just can't bring myself to do it. If I do imply or say something about maybe having some help with something, my mom, who is short on empathy and understanding, loves to twist that little thorn and say things like, "Well, I don't know how I managed with you and being pregnant with your sister. We all managed somehow, so can you." Which always makes me want to scream, "You didn't have to EVERYTHING and do it alone and work 50+ hours a week!" Which I know would lead to retorts about why didn't I just find a man and get married, which would then lead me to say something snide back about how my dad is a saint for putting up with her and yadda yadda yadda and feelings would get hurt (always mine) and nothing gets accomplished and I feel even more worthless and down about not being able to do everything.

That brings me to the panic about being able to manage two on my own. It's in full force. I try to remember that I won't be feeling this physically miserable and trying to handle them both. There will come a time when I will be able to bend over, carry things and pick things up. I will get back to being physically capable again. I will not be pregnant forever and that time is coming up quickly. VERY quickly. Like in 6 weeks at the latest. Probably earlier. OMG.

And now I need to go eat something.

Oh, and if one more person asks if I've thought about names, I AM GOING TO STRANGLE THEM. That has become a huge peeve of mine. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but it does. For the record, I am not discussing names with ANYONE. I just don't feel like it. So there.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

It's a...

Today I am 18.5 weeks pregnant and I can't believe how fast the time is flying by. Having a toddler and a full time career really does keep me busy and I haven't been nearly as obsessive about the new baby as I was the first time around.

I seem to be bigger earlier this time around too. I took a belly picture a couple of days ago and compared it to the belly pictures from before and I seem to be about 4 weeks ahead. I hear that you show more and earlier with the second because your body has already been stretched. All I know is that I better snap back to normal quickly like I did before. I have also noticed that my boobs haven't gotten nearly as big as last time. Once I quit breastfeeding, they shrunk and were smaller than ever. I have gone up a bra size with this pregnancy, but I'm nowhere near as big as I was the first time. At least not yet.

I have started to transition Chase into a toddler bed so I can use the crib for the new baby. He's 20 months old now and I think it's time. He has resisted sleeping in it though and just wants to play on it. I think it's more to do with his dependence on routine. He has slept in his crib from the very beginning and that's his bed. He doesn't know or understand anything else. Tonight though, we drove home from Grandma & Grandpas house. It's about a 45 minute drive, so before we left, we did his nighttime routine and got him in his PJs (we always do this when we leave in the evening) and he fell asleep in the car at his normal night-night time. When we got home, I carried him in and put him in the toddler bed. He woke up but has so far stayed in the bed. We'll see how things go the rest of the night.

Baby has been super active and moves around a lot which is a great thing. It helps remind me to take it easy and to be careful when I'm doing stuff. This baby seems to be following the exact same pregnancy as Chase. Measuring almost a week ahead of due date, placenta previa, and positioned head down pressing on the placent, my cervix & bladder. Stinker.

Oh, and it's a girl.  :D

Tuesday, November 27, 2012


I'm pregnant. Again.

This all happened soooooo fast!

I can't seem to wrap my brain around it. I started POSing on 10DPO because I just knew I was pregnant. I have every symptom in the book, in addition to my dog acting completely bizarre.  It was positive, but I took a test again on 11DPO and again the following morning. After 3 positives, I called the clinic and asked for a beta to be sure. They didn't want to do it because it was so early (this clinic makes their patients wait until 18DPO. Can you believe it!?), but I was not about to wait another week. I had to call them this afternoon to see if they had the results (how could they leave a poor girl hanging like that?) and what do ya know? Early beta is 111. I guess that's okay, right? They don't do a second beta which is a little disappointing.

I have my 6 week ultrasound on 12/12/12 at 12 noon. Funny ha! I think that's the day I'll tell my family.