Doubts, Target and rambling on, singing my song

I spent yesterday bumming around the house kind of bored. And because not 10 mins go by anymore without me thinking of a baby, I started questioning my decision. I think a lot of it is because it is so hard to imagine being pregnant and having my own spawn running around. I think I was a bit lonely yesterday too. It's rare that I actually feel lonely (or bored for that matter), but I have been feeling a little off-kilter for a couple of days now. It's probably due to all the stress.  Between The Big Decision and the work drama that is going to explode on Tuesday, I think I've been thrown for a bit of a loop.

This afternoon I went over and checked out the gigantic thrift store that's close to my place. I don't know where I got the absurdly crazy idea that I could find some perfectly good, barely used baby items in that shithole. *shudder* It's been a long time since I've walked into a store that smelled that bad, and I couldn't believe how filthy everything was. There is no way in hell I would EVER put anything from that place on my child. Calling it a Thrift Store is awfully nice. It should have been called "Things The Dump Wouldn't Take (TTDWT)."

So after my terrible excursion to TTDWT, I headed on over to Target. Target is the place to go when I need an extra ounce of baby-confidence.  I was terribly disappointed in their "maternity" department. Seriously. I counted a grand total of 5 pairs of jeans, 4 styles of dresses (I don't wear dresses), a couple of frilly shirts and bathing suits. That's it, that's all they had. Finding maternity clothes for work (do they even make maternity suits?) on a budget is going to be an interesting adventure.

I made several passes through the baby isle, where I did a lot  of "ooh that's neat" and "nah, I won't want that." I also spied a beautiful bassinet that I thought would go great in my bedroom, but then I saw that it's only good for up to 15lbs, which, if my family history is anything to go by, my kid will outgrow that thing in the first month :(

I bought a box of the cheapo OPKs and a box of the expensive fancy digital ones. I had some of the cheapos at home already and figured I could use them until I get what looks like a positive and then use the fancy digital one to make sure. I should have enough to get me through two cycles. I also bought some tampons and had quite an internal argument with myself about how it makes no sense to buy getting-pregnant stuff and i'm-not-pregnant stuff at the same time. It just felt odd. I also eyeballed some prenatal vitamins but thought I should wait and see what the doc advises this week.