So yesterday I went to a Choice Moms meeting. I picked up a few nuggets of information and some new thoughts. One of the guest speakers was a fertility doctor and I chatted with her about my experience with the RE last week. She explained the problems with having either too short or too long of a cycle and it started me worrying again. She recommended doing all the tests the RE suggested to make sure my tubes aren't blocked and starting me on Clomid to get me on a "normal" cycle. So after that conversation I had a terrible sense of dread and was fairly upset. But, by the time I got home and had really thought about it some more, I'm not convinced that I'm as screwed up as they (both docs) seem to think I am. On one hand I feel like I'm being stubborn and arrogant (I'm not a doctor, so what the F do I know?) but on the other hand I think a longer cycle is just normal for me. I could see if my cycle was messed up and fluctuated drastically like 30 days one cycle and 40+ the next or if I was skipping cycles, but it's really only a couple of days longer. Then I had the brilliant idea that maybe it's genetic. So I called my sister and asked what her cycle was like before she had my nephew (who is now 13 months old and so freakin cute I can't stand it). And what do ya know? She said hers was a little screwy and usually around 35 days or so. She also said that she had been off birth control for about a year before she got pregnant the usual way with her husband and no doctors. Before I talked to her, I was set on calling Nurse M and scheduling tests and clomid and all that crap, but after talking to her, I'm going with my gut and until I'm proven otherwise, I think I'm just fine.
So after that wacky conversation about ovulation and periods, we talked a little about "do you really wanna do this?" She also managed to channel our mother (which is never good) and hurt my feelings by saying I didn't seem very maternal. I zinged her back by saying she doesn't really know me and how would she know when we talk maybe 6 times a year and I actually see her twice, in a good year. Christ, what does she want me to do? I can't help that I have limited experience with kids. There just haven't ever been any around until my nephew came along, and I've only seen him three times since he was born, but I think I've been good with him. He loves his Auntie! When people from work bring their kids in, they gravitate to me like moths to a flame. Just because I don't show my maternal, sappy side often, doesn't mean it's not there. Sheesh.
I know Stevie wrote this song about her relationship with Mick Fleetwood, but this version and video are so beautiful, I thought I'd share it. I will definitely be playing it for my pregnant belly when the day comes.