Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Thoughts on Donors

I've mentioned before about having concerns about using a donor.  I have been scouring the web looking for some positive input from actual children of donors. I had started to get concerned because I was finding a lot of negative reactions.  The common thread is always about the child feeling like they are incomplete because they don't know half of their heritage.  I am happy to say that I came across this webpage with some very positive stories:  It certainly alleviates some of my fears and concerns to know that there are sperm-donor children out there who are grateful for the lives they've been given. 

I have also decided that "ID Option" donors are the way to go (they can be contacted by the offspring when they turn 18) and the child should always be told the truth about their origins.  Details aren't necessary for a toddler to know, but as they get older and ask specific questions, honesty is the only way to go.  I was also thinking that maybe this blog could be something to offer up in addition to the donor information packet once they turn 18 and want to know about their conception.

A huge factor in these decision for me is the age of my parents.  My Mom will be 57 this week and my dad will be 60 this summer.  My Dad's father died at 64 when Dad was 24, grandma died when I was 10 at 73 but was in bad health for many years. Mom's dad died when I was 3 at 60 and grandma is still around, but has alzheimer's and lived across the country until last year.  I grew up without grandparents and I can tell how much my parents regret not having their parents around when my sister and I came along.  I don't want that for my children.  My parents want to be a part of their grandchildren's lives and I desperately want my children to know how wonderful their grandparents are, and I want my parents to have good, quality years with the kids.

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