Thoughts on Donors

I've mentioned before about having concerns about using a donor.  I have been scouring the web looking for some positive input from actual children of donors. I had started to get concerned because I was finding a lot of negative reactions.  The common thread is always about the child feeling like they are incomplete because they don't know half of their heritage.  I am happy to say that I came across this webpage with some very positive stories: http://www.fertilitystories.com/donorthoughts.htm  It certainly alleviates some of my fears and concerns to know that there are sperm-donor children out there who are grateful for the lives they've been given. 

I have also decided that "ID Option" donors are the way to go (they can be contacted by the offspring when they turn 18) and the child should always be told the truth about their origins.  Details aren't necessary for a toddler to know, but as they get older and ask specific questions, honesty is the only way to go.  I was also thinking that maybe this blog could be something to offer up in addition to the donor information packet once they turn 18 and want to know about their conception.

A huge factor in these decision for me is the age of my parents.  My Mom will be 57 this week and my dad will be 60 this summer.  My Dad's father died at 64 when Dad was 24, grandma died when I was 10 at 73 but was in bad health for many years. Mom's dad died when I was 3 at 60 and grandma is still around, but has alzheimer's and lived across the country until last year.  I grew up without grandparents and I can tell how much my parents regret not having their parents around when my sister and I came along.  I don't want that for my children.  My parents want to be a part of their grandchildren's lives and I desperately want my children to know how wonderful their grandparents are, and I want my parents to have good, quality years with the kids.

The Pill

So tonight is the last night I take The Pill.  AF will come for a short visit this weekend which will be the beginning of my cycle charting.  I am very curious to see how things work out and am a little bit nervous.  The fear is that something will be wrong or that I have abnormal cycles which may require extra consideration.

I couldn't sleep the other night and had a (minor) worrisome thought. I don't eat vegetables. At all. I have never liked them and my parents weren't too forceful about eating the wild and crazy kind.  We usually had frozen peas and carrots which weren't too bad to deal with. My sister likes carrots so she'd eat mine and then I could just swallow the peas whole like pills.  As an adult, I just avoid vegetables and had never thought much about it.  I wonder now how can I get my child to eat them when I don't, and is there really any work around for eating vegetables?  Fruit is a whole different story. I love love LOVE fruit and can't wait until I can have a yard where I can grow fresh fruit.

Fatherless Children

I have had a terrible headache all weekend :(

One of the biggest issues I have with the single mother by choice idea, is the lack of a daddy for my kids. I grew up in your typical mom, dad and a sibling home. I am very close to my dad and we talk several times a week. He is the best dad anyone could ever hope for and I miss him terribly. I cannot imagine life without him, and I know that I wouldn't be anywhere near the independent, confident and capable person I am without his involvement in my raising. So, the idea of my children not having the same experience breaks my heart. I don't even have kids yet and I already feel guilty and sad at the idea. During all my web surfing, I have seen a lot of negative things about donor children after they've grown up and how much they resent being brought into the world the way they were.  I would really like to find some positive information/experiences but I either don't know where to look or there aren't any. I also have serious trepidations about when the child grows up and tries to locate half-siblings and the donor, and how much of an issue it seems to be.  The thing I keep hearing (reading) is that these kids grow up feeling like they're missing half of themselves. It disturbs me greatly and I don't know what to think.

Details

So today I looked through my health insurance coverages. Basically, they cover your standard labor and delivery (which is good) but they do not cover any fertility treatments (not so good). Every year I put just enough money to cover my monthly b/c prescription and an office visit or two into a flex account. I did a little research on what that account will cover and am happy to report that if I decide to start the TTC process this year, I won't have to worry about not spending my flex money. I can use it to cover any ICI, IUI or IVF procedures and I can even use it to buy OPKs and pregnancy tests! I only put $520 into the account this year, so if I start the process late in 2010, I can use it up and contribute a whole lot more to cover things for 2011.

I am considering how much time off I'd want to take and have been looking though my annual and sick leave balances and trying to project how much time off I'll have on the books at different times during 2011.  Barring any unforeseen illness or vacations, by June 2011 I should have a total of 766 hours of (combined) leave. Depending on the time of year (not incl. holidays) 16 weeks off would use 640 hours. This basically means the absolute earliest I could start any insemination activities would be in September this year.  Of course, the balance is not counting any leave taken for doctor's appointments or trips home.

I think ideally, I would like to be on maternity leave between late August 2011 and January 2012, which would give me some leeway with the time off, add in a lot of holidays, and allow for an extra cushion of leave so I'm not burning through it all.  This means, I would need to get pregnant sometime after November 15. I will be eligible to try to find a position near my family in January 2012, so this looks like good timing.

Of course, I know there can be a hundred different wrenches thrown in my plans. But I'm just thinking/planning for now.

In the Beginning...

So this is my first blog post. I suppose I should start with a little about myself and why I decided to write this blog. I have been scouring the internet trying to find someone with a story similar to mine and I've found one or two here and there, but I notice they focus primarily on just the conception part of the process. I was hoping to find something about the decision-making process, but haven't had any luck. So, I thought I'd share my story for those out there who are going through the same thing. I know you're out there, and I hope I can offer some support.

Well, here goes...

I will be 31 in four months. I have a very small family consisting of a mom, a dad and a sister 3 years my junior. I have an aunt on my dad's side who is 11 years older than my dad, and an uncle on my mom's side who is really not a part of our lives. My sister is married and had her first baby (the first one in the family) in June 2009. My sister's husband is adamant that she have as little to do with our family as possible so that translates to "we're not close." I currently live on one coast and my family lives on the other. I have two years left here and then I can move back there and be closer to my parents which will be able to provide some support (not financially! I'm just fine with the money). I'm hesitant to wait to start trying until I get back near my family, because I'll be approaching 33 at that time and I know the process can take a long time. My thought is to do all the early-stage stuff now and maybe start with actually TTC in a year or so. Having an infant without anxious grandparents nearby at least for the first couple of months greatly appeals to me. Anyway, I digress...

I have had a very busy life so far. I never really thought of marriage as a possibility for me and frankly have never had the desire or met anyone who changed my mind about it. At this point in my life, I am happily single and well-established in my career. However, I am very aware of the shelf life of my little eggies and the prospect of growing old alone with no family. In the last year or so I have done quite a bit of research and internal debating regarding motherhood. I've looked at adoption and weighed the pros and cons.  I know that I need to start planning now and make some decisions about what I can/should do before it's too late. I know I still have some time and I'm not really in any hurry to do anything right this very second, but I also don't want to do like so many others before me and wake up one day going "oh sh*t. I'm 40 and I didn't think about wanting kids!" An additional consideration and thought I have is that I would prefer to have two children to balance out the family dynamic, which means I need to have the first one at an earlier age in order to have the second one by my no-later-than age of 38.

So, as of today this is my plan:
- Next week is the last week of my Yaz birth control. I'm not going to get a refill. I moved last year and still haven't found a new doctor to get the script reauthorized. Might as well start trying to purge my body and get my cycles in order. I've been on the pill for about 13 years so I'm afraid I might have problems.
- I bought a basal thermometer this afternoon and will start charting my cycle when it starts to see when (if) I get a regular cycle and use it to evaluate the potential for any problems.
- After about 6-8 months of cycle charting, I'll start looking for a doctor to get a checkup and maybe a fertility work up.